I thought it would be interesting to write about tonight, while I'm in the middle of this gig with my other DJ. There is no Wifi in here, so I gotta post this later, But this is all happening right now, as I Type.
Its Midnight at my regular Friday spot in late March 2009, and its peak hours. It is Packed in here with some hood ass cats. There are 2 girls at the DJ Booth right now, one has all Gold Front Teeth, and the other girl has a Rooster's haircut. They are bothering my boy who is rotating with me. We are doing a tag team set of all Deep soulful House, and Some other Chump keeps screaming behind the DJ Booth "All this Techno Shit Is giving me a Headache" I'm thinking to myself..."Why are you still here? Its not even Techno!" At this very moment my boy is playing T-pain's "Bartender", the Mr V remix. I guess the other local spot that is in the neighborhood, has a dance floor, and they play Rap. But it got shot up last Friday, so everyone that is usually there, is here. I already spun from 9:30-11:30. Some fat chick came up to me, and started tapping me NON STOP, right as I was mixing in a song. The longer I took to respond, the harder she was hitting me. Like a 4 Year Old.
The immense level of ignorance is just funny to me now. Earlier tonight, all the older cats, left around from Happy Hour, were cool as a cucumber. Folks were asking me the names of tracks, so they could download, and some were dancing a lil bit. Now every one is Mean muggin each other like they have something to prove. Like these 4 guys over to my right for example. They are all leaning against the wall next to the ladies room door. Staring at all the girls walking into the bathroom like they are rapists. When did going out involve so much hostility and aggression. Isn't life about having fun and enjoying everyone else. I was too young to party in the 80's, but I'm sure everyone had a good ass time back then (even though the 80's were hella cheesey). Then Gangsta Rap and Alternative came along and encouraged everyone to be Sad and Angry. I grew up in the 90's so I still have a connection with that music, but it seems to me that things were more fun in the 60's (Hippies), 70's(Funk/Disco) and 80's(Real Hip Hop). Now what the hell is going on? Trends usually repeat every 20 years, so I am seeing alot of the 80s now. Like all the electro voices in pop music, and the colorful outfits (etc), but it doesn't seem like anyone is really having a great time. The spirit of these copied trends is lost in translation.
We must have had at least 20 ignorant people come up to the DJ Booth to request Bull Shit tonight. You may be thinking, "Well why don't you cater to your audience then?" My response is "Fuck Em" I would cater to people if they respected me, or themselves. Instead of coming up to talk shit, be civil, and eventually I will shift my music to gear toward the crowd. If people just asked nicely, I am usually cool. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But if you wanna act an ass, I'll intentionally play some stuff that I know you would hate. There have been many times that I respectfully deny a request, and the person understands and says thank you anyway. I usually end up playing their song request, just on the principal that they were respectful.
There are also hella Dudes in here tonight, and all the girls are avoiding this place cause the men are all grabby, immature and shitty tippers. One Bartender said it best. "Its like a locker room in here, just nasty sweaty ass dudes".
This lady came up to my boy earlier and was pestering his, so I snatched her away so he could mix. She was like, "Yo I got money, Whatever Dey is payin you Eye Uh Beat it." So I said cool, if you give us $300 right now we'll switch it up. She said "I got it like that fow Real". So we were like "Pull that shit out then, Be about it". She just kept runnin her lips and wasn't about shit. Now don't get me wrong, about 90% of the people in here are totally fine with what we are playing. Its just that other 10 percent that is pestering us. But God Bless em cause they sure are funny as hell to write about. One of the beautiful things about Oakland, and at the same time, the ugliest, is that people out here speak their mind. On the positive side, they speak out about injustices, and are activists. Most people are real out here, not really faking da Funk. If we got something to say here in Oakland, we are usually an open book. On the flip side though, sometimes its rude, disrespectful, ignorant and out of place to comment on certain things. Like if your Grandma cooked Christmas Dinner, but the Ham was a little Dry. You wouldn't go up to her and say, "Grandma you can't cook for Shit!" Same with a Bar or club, if you don't like it, go somewhere else. If you are an asshole, stupid, or close minded, then Fuck your opinion. You have no argument.
One younger girl came up to me and said, "Are you gonna play something I can dance to?" I said "This is House music! It is Dance Music! If you can't dance to it, that's not my problem." Besides that, its packed in here, there is no Dance Floor, and its not an actual Club, this is a lounge. She said "I'm from Oakland, we don't listen to music like that out here". I thought to myself, "What the Fuck? This Bitch is trippin!" There are half a million people in Oakland, and you assume that no one likes house out here. I was born and raised in Oakland, and some of the biggest club nights out here play House. I told her I was gonna play classical music, but she called my bluff. I have a lot of classical music that I use for wedding ceremonies, but You know that I would have been way out of Pocket, if I played Beethoven at Midnight on a Friday.
You know what else bugs me... When someone comes up to me and says, "Black Folks don't listen to this!" Every time I hear this I wanna throw a pie in their face. African people created house. If you go to New York, the House club are full of African folks. It is especially Funny when I'm playing a song that was produced by an African, the vocalist singing is African, and there are clearly African people in the place dancing.
Another girl came up to the DJ booth. Fine as all Outdoors. 5' 10" tall African girl with heels, and a top that is barely covering her chest. Her stomach is showing and those jeans are so damn tight that it looks like she was poured into them. I'm thinking, I hope this girl is cool, cause I really hate it when beautiful women have attitude problems. It can be difficult to find though. Sure enough she is a raging Bitch-Face-Slut-Whore-Fuck-Nuts. She came up to the DJ booth, as My other DJ was switching with me. She asks me if I'm the DJ. I say "Yeah but I'm off right now." She puts her hand in my face and pushes me out of her way. Then she starts baggering my DJ, trying to get his attention while he is mixing in his first song. So I get her attention and ask what she wanted, and that I'll relay the message to him. She says "Are you gonna take my request?" I replied with, "Well we really don't take requests, but if you like house music, we might have a house track you like. Are you gonna request House Music?" Obviously I know she's not. House Heads know better than to make requests. She says, "Yeah it's House Music." I replied, "OK". She stops for a second to think, then says, "What Is House Music? Is this House Music Playing?" I swear I was about to drop my fist to the floor, and swing it up as hard as I could, under her fine ass chin. After she finally left the DJ Booth, she walked up to the crowded bar, pushed everyone out of her way so she could squeeze to the front. Then started yelling at the bartenders for attention. She ordered 4 drinks for her and her friends, then complained that they were not made right. She started calling my bartender homegirl, a Bitch, and all other stuff.
Don't think this stuff only happens in the Hood either. When I spin in Suburban Neighborhoods, or for people with money, they can go Fuck themselves too. I swear to God i wanna stab the people that come at me with some Sense of Entitlement. I am not your God Damned Servant. Do I look like a Fuckin Day Laborer? Even if I was, you need to show some respect you Suburban, Sheltered, Beef Headed, Dickless Fuck! I have self respect and dignity. When you come at me, and command me to play a song "Right Now", you can go eat a Bowl of stale Dicks. Why the fuck are you at a party in Flip Flops anyway, you pansy. When a guy comes at me to play Lil Wayne, and he is wearing Flip Flops, Army Shorts, and has a Ryan Seacrest Haircut, I just imagine what would happen to him if he walked into my regular Oakland Spot like that. His Bitch ass would get stomped out barking orders like that. I am running a business here, I'm not just some guy that you can boss around and disrespect. And believe me, this is a pretty well paying business. When these people Hire me, then act like Fuckers, they are just throwing their money out the window because I am in control of whether or not their guests are on the dance floor. Do Not Piss Off Your DJ! I will not let you treat me like less of a Human Being.
I'm gonna laugh at one more person that pissed me off, on another night, then I'm putting My laptop away. I had to save the best Biaaaaaatch, for Liaaaaaaast.
I was doing a freelance gig for a lot of money. It was a holiday party for a Fire Department. I am in the middle of the set and the dance floor is packed. I'm playing all Top 40 hits, which is the norm for these parties. It is Estelle's "American Boy", and the entire crowd is singing along and throwing their hands in the air. Some sweaty piece of shit, muscle headed Fuck, comes up to the DJ Booth. He is one of those "Sense Of Entitlement" folks. He grabs me and says, "Let me plug in my I-Pod and play a song". I'm a little pissed, but I keep cool. I say, "These people are paying me a lot of money for professional service. Your request is out of the question." He continues in a steroid rage, "Come on! Its my Band! Play our Song!" Now think about it folks, do you think these people give half a shit about this Douche Bag's Loser Band? I am still in the middle of my set and this Ass Face is distracting me now. I am still calm, but I need to get this guy away. As nice as I could explain, I say, "Sorry man, no one here knows your music, and no one wants to hear it. Your music will clear the dance floor". Then I realized that this guy, is that "ONE GUY", who always gets drunk and ruins the party, whenever he goes out. I see it all the time. He grabs me and says, "What the Fuck did you say? I will beat the Fuck out of You right now!" At that moment, I turned off all the power to the music, and the room went silent. Everyone saw the guy, and I yelled "Get this Guy Off of Me Right Now! Any form of Assault is a Void of Contract!" Everyone starts yelling at the guy, and two people grabbed him and kicked him out. By then it was too late. He ruined the vibe of the party and everyone started to pack up and leave. I had 3 hours left when this guy harassed me, but by the time there was an Hour left, the place was empty. That is my point about pissing off your DJ, he is in control. If you fuck with the DJ, you are just fucking yourself. By the way... I later found out that the guy was like a ninja or something, so he probably would have Fucked me up. Oh well, I'm from Oakland, I've dealt with worse. You need a strong backbone in the Hood.
So that's what I'm surrounded by right now. Tonight will be over soon, then I'm gonna go home and get some booty.
No comments:
Post a Comment