How to Get Served

Mark walks into a bar. Door man gives him a frisk and checks his I.D. Mark is 33 years old; he’s pissed off. He door man asks him to take his baseball cap with the marijuana leaf off; there’s no head gear inside the bar. Once inside he scopes the scene and puts the hat back on sideways, but no eyes turn his way. The DJ beat drones but his head nods to every two and a half drops. The five sprays of cologne he shot before he left his house is giving him a head ache. Mark thinks about making the walk but there’s a large party in front of him and he can‘t see a way to push through. He eyes the bar for a clearance; none. He waits behind a young lady bouncing to the right drop. He stops.
“Ay yo!” He says and snaps his fingers at the bartender for clarification; no response. He leans up on the bar sideways, displacing the young lady waiting for her drink. She holds her breath and gives him room. “Yo baby girl!” he says rapping his knuckles on the counter. No response. “Damn!” he says aloud, “what kind of place is this?” Patrons eye him askance but he pays no mind. Mark knows the magic key so he reaches into his pocket, pulls a wad of twenty dollar bills out, rolled inside a rubber band, and bounces it on the bar. No response.
Five minutes later, after every other patron is served, the bartender finally looks his way. “Ay can I get a uh – “The bartender waits. “How much your Patron?” Nine dollars the bartender tells him. “Damn! What?” The bartender waits. “Okay so let me get a Cazadores.” Nine dollars the bartender repeats, holding up five fingers in one hand and four in the other. “Damn! What?” The bartender waits and there’s two people waiting at the end of the bar now. “Aight let me get a Jack ‘n coke” Mark lays out a twenty and takes thirteen back in change for a seven dollar drink. “Ay what‘s your name?” He asks the bartender. She tells him Julie and begins to walk away but Mark is slick so he grabs her hand and winks at her to come back. “Don’t grab at a bartender.” She says. “Oh my bad. I just wanted to say hi that’s all.” “Okay.” She says and begins to walk towards the waiting pair. “Damn.” Mark thinks, “What the hell did I do?”
If any of this sounds familiar to you, don’t ever go into a bar again.